Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
