my mouth tastes like poor choices
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sex in a hospital.. check
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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