Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
