I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
