So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize