Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
