I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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