Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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