My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
