I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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