lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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