You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
