after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
