I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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