Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
