Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
