I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize