talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
