to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
