I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
