Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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