I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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