Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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