I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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