dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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