And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
