help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
