everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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