how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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