you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
