He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
