I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
