I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
