there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
