In the future we'll all be gay
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
