if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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