on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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