you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
