He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
