i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
