I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
