I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
