One girl and one boy is just not enough.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
