think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
