She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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