I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
