is wine microwaveable?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
