This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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