they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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