Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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