you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
