we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
