New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
