I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
