i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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