Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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