Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize