Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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