I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
