I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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