I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
