Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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