i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
