We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
