I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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