Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
