What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
