Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your penis caused this!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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