it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
