She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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